Last Saturday I headed to Plucker’s and watched the UT game against Rice. I guess watching a UT game there is the next best thing to being at the game. You have huge screen, great wings, and a room full of jam packed Longhorn fans. Every time UT scores every cheers and they play the UT marching band song. I enjoyed my wings, and 4 glasses of delicious sweet tea, and watched the game in a crowded room with many couples….and I felt completely alone.
I have been separated from my wife for about 6 months now, and at this point we are no longer talking. The emptiness of not having her as part of me, and my life if really sinking in lately. What would have been our 15 year anniversary is coming up in October, and sadly like our previous anniversaries there will be no happiness from it. I have accepted that my marriage is over, and she has gone on for some time with a life apart from me.
So what gets me through the pain?
If not for Him, I would have gone into depression, and most likely had negative consequences to all that I have gone through with my marriage. Jesus tells a parable about 2 foundations in Matthew 7:24-29
24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house ; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. 26 “Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 “The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house ; and it fell -and great was its fall.” 28 When Jesus had finished these words, the crowds were amazed at His teaching ; 29 for He was teaching them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.
It is in Christ that we can live through all of life’s frustrations, tragedy, heartache, pain, and suffering and not be shaken. Apart from Him you crumble because you are relying on your own strength to get you through. When I hurt, I may be alone physically but I am never alone spiritually. I can pray, and peace comes over me, my tears are dried, and a joy is placed in my heart that nothing on earth can create.
In Romans there is a verse that I have become very found of over that past few years. In verse 28 it says, And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. So all the anguish, heartache, and pain that I have gone through and may continue to experience is not in vain. God says that He will use it for good. You may ask yourself how? How God can this be good? The other night I posted this on Facebook:
Things don’t always go as you plan, and life can be filled with painful experiences, but stay focused of God who is in control, and is the source of all pure joy. You may not understand or like what you are going through, but you only start sinking when you take your eyes off Jesus and keep them focused on the situation.
And a friend respond: “So true. And I really needed the reminder tonight. Thanks for sharing.” She went on to post something similar on her FB page.
And there it was! God was using my pain to help encourage someone else, who was moved to encourage others. He is using my sorrow for good, and to bring Him glory, and that fills me with a joy that over powers the sadness.
I still feel lonely at times but I believe I have this time alone is for a reason. I trust that whatever happens; whether miraculously we are reunited, and the marriage is restored or whether we divorce as planned before the end of the year, that I am in God’s hands. Whether I am meant to be alone for the rest of life or not. I can confidence in His presence, the love of Christ and the Holy Spirit in me.
14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. 15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble ; I will rescue him and honor him. 16 “With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.”
Psalm 91: 14-16