I feel a tad late at 40 asking serious questions about what it means to be a man in God’s eyes. Not that I haven’t thought about them before, trust me. I have been asking, and praying for God to make me a Godly man for 15 years now. It seems just within that past year or so that I have begun to move in the right direction. Not that I didn’t have ample opportunity in my life to address the issues of biblical manhood.
So I am a classic, and sadly stereotypical example. I happen to be an only child of divorced parents. My father completely shunned his responsibilities as a Husband and Father so my mother gave him the boot when I was about 1 or 2 years old. I have seen him about 3 times in life that I can remember, and 1 of those was as an adult for a weekend. My mom fell in love with a man when I was about 7 who became an alcoholic for about 10 years of my life before becoming sober. My grandparents pretty much raised me since I mother always seemed to be working graveyard shifts at the hospital or odd hours. My grandmother made sure I got to the CCD classes at our Catholic Church, and my grandfather was my financial provider from school lunch money to whatever I wanted. Sadly, it created a dependency on him that would carry into adulthood.
So I grew up selfish, self centered with no responsibility, no real accountability, and no real understanding of what a man or Godly man should be. I was generally lazy, and did not know how to manage money. Sadly, I just did not consider myself to be such a bad person, and did not see how far I was from what a Godly man should be. This would be something my wife and children would pay for dearly for over the next 13 years.
When I met my wife she was a follower of Christ, and I was not. It was only when I professed coming to Christ that she would agree to marry me. So one would expect me to change right? From that selfish & irresponsible person to a pillar of Godly manhood. Remember, the old had passed…I was a new creation, right? But that’s not what happened. It got bad, really bad. The whole time I still professed to be a Christian, but my life and marriage did not reflect that.
About 2 years ago I completely surrendered my life, and everything in to Jesus Christ. However, the years of living an un-Godly marriage took its tole. Ultimately, my wife left me, and we separated this year. With divorce appearing to be imminent I find myself at a cross roads.
Conclusion, I need to become the man God intended me to be regardless of what happens with my marriage. By God’s grace, I will be meeting with a man from my church that I believe models what a Godly husband and father should be. We will discuss with other men, what biblical manhood looks like over the next 12-14 weeks. I will also devote my time to prayer, Scripture, and allowing to God to work in my heart as only He can. I am excited to see what God has planned for me, and the man I will become for His honor and glory. It may not be easy or painless, but it will be worth it. That is one thing I have learned in my walk with the Lord.
I plan to post updates, and things I learn as I go along this new journey. I pray that at least one person will benefit from all of this.