A few weeks ago our church began a “Spiritual Journey” together. During the weeks leading up to Easter we are going to be fasting, praying, and reading devotionals. We are also reading Scripture individually, and corporately. For the fasting I chose to fast from bread, and carbs since I recognize that food is both a source of comfort, and idol in my heart. This is my second fast from bread but interestingly enough this time I find myself getting frustrated with the lack of food choices I have. In a sense I find myself murmuring over the fact that I can only eat meat and vegetables.
Moses said, “This will happen when the LORD gives you meat to eat in the evening, and bread to the full in the morning ; for the LORD hears your grumblings which you grumble against Him. And what are we? Your grumblings are not against us but against the LORD.” – Exodus 16:8
I already see how I am tying food to comfort to relationship and finally to love. I can recall some of the most memorable moments of my childhood are the occasions that my mother would take me out to eat. It would be just her and I on a Saturday. We always went to nice restaurants and never fast food places. Maybe this connection is emotional, but I am sure there is a root of sin somewhere.
I am not quite sure what to do with all of this as God has only shown me pieces, and not the whole picture. Maybe I am searching for intimacy that I know only Jesus can fill. But I question still why I go to food for comfort instead of Him. Why do I seek immediate gratification when I know it is only temporary. It doesn’t last, ever.
When Jacob had cooked stew, Esau came in from the field and he was famished ; and Esau said to Jacob, “Please let me have a swallow of that red stuff there, for I am famished.” Therefore his name was called Edom. But Jacob said, “First sell me your birthright.” Esau said, “Behold, I am about to die; so of what use then is the birthright to me? – Genesis 25:29-32
The comfort that I seek in food is merely a physical representation of a spiritual issue. I also find myself drifting to substitutes such as spending too much time on Facebook or looking at electronics online. I see already that this will lead to a trust issue that I have. Do I trust Him to enough for my needs, and desires? Will I wait for His timing in my life or will I be hasty? These are just glimpses at this time for me. I am sure that as I continue in this Spiritual Journey more will be revealed.
I am both unsure and excited at the same time about what God will show me during this time. I know that He loves me, and He truly wants good for me. I just need to get out of the way.
“And now, Lord, for what do I wait ? My hope is in You.
– Psalm 39:7